The Capital J word
I’ve honestly lost track of how many times I’ve been asked the same question about Kai since his new baby brother joined us. “Is Kai jealous?” And I’d respond with the same answer to all. “No, I think jealousy is just something we adults put in their heads” Kai’s my first born! My Angel! The little kid who was sent to me so I wouldn’t lose my way. Before I found out I was pregnant with my second kid, Kai kept hugging my stomach and poking it. Made me wonder why he started that all of a sudden and then BAM, the morning sickness hit me which was followed by a confirmed scan and there, then came the realization that we’d have just a few months more alone with each other as mom and only son. In the months that followed, without us even telling him, when Kai was asked where the baby was, he’d point at my stomach and even touch it to say goodnight. During my third trimester, Kai all of a sudden started saying “baby” all the time and started kissing my stomach. I was nursing Kai all the while during the pregnancy, which was frustrating some days because my stomach would be so heavy and it was painful to be on one side for too long. I’d keep telling him he had to stop by the time the baby came but, it didn’t seem to be happening. Till the baby DID come and Kai showed signs of strongly resisting the urge to ask me for milk. I could see he was finding it very difficult and it’s something I’d admire about him forever! Kai didn’t ask me for milk the first few days but, because it was tough for him, he’d ball out and and find comfort in the arms of my mom or sister. The next few days were even more difficult for him and I guess like an addiction takes a toll on someone, the withdrawals were really getting to him so, I decided to tandem nurse. It’s still a little tough but, when ever the baby wakes up or I say the baby needs milk now, he’d let go and let me tend to the baby. Kai understands that the baby needs milk. He understands that the baby needs my attention sometimes. When the baby wakes up, Kai finds something to do and doesn’t trouble me, unless of course, he is super sleepy as well. But anyway, here’s why I am sharing all this super personal information with you guys... Because my husband and I don’t believe in planting seeds of negativity in our kids. I don’t believe in always predicting the outcome of my children’s actions, which is why I let Kai climb, run, play outside with sand, water and animals. Of course, I watch over him and ask him to be mindful of his surroundings, watch his head and be careful when he needs to be but, I don’t believe in driving fear into him by saying “don’t climb that; You’ll fall! Don’t touch water; You’ll get sick, don’t touch the dog, he’ll bite you!” Because I just think driving fear into a mind that’s still laying out the foundation to understanding this world is only going to limit the kid and thwart him from achieving his true potential. Just like expecting a child to be jealous of his baby brother. I mean... kids are capable of comprehending everything! They pick up things so fast! Especially the negative tones and behavioral patterns. It’s just nonsensical to think the child doesn’t understand and openly blurt things like “ah, is this one jealous of the small one?”, “He must be difficult to handle around the baby, must be jealous noh?”, "doesn't he pull and hit the baby?" (especially) right in front of the kid! I’ve been called delusional, overprotective and paranoid for thinking this way but hey, I’m fine with that because I’m happy my eldest kid is not jealous of his little bro, he doesn’t try to hurt him in any way or treat us differently for bringing home a little baby. He’s actually quite the opposite. Kai loves kissing the baby and calls him “baby” or “malli” (Sinhalese term for little bro). He helps me out when I ask him for help and even lets me know if the baby is hungry or has a burp. And all this I believe he does, because at no point did we worry about him being jealous or give into any of the fears or negative “possible” scenarios of having a second baby.
Trusting Kai has been THE most important thing about being a parent. By doing so, I’ve been able to watch him grow beautifully and become a super kid! Staying healthy and positive is definitely my number one daily goal so I can be a good wife and mom to my two kids! It’s how I can stay active and make sure I don’t let myself or my family down. And above all, by trusting the Universe and having Faith that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and that there is always something to learn from every situation, we as a family of four look forward to a beautiful journey ahead, together! I wish all good things for you too!
Have a beautiful week yal!